New Year's Eve

Thursday 31st December
It is late afternoon and I am sitting in my room in the big armchair by the fire. I hope my writing is legible as I am using a book to rest the paper on my lap. The house is quiet for the moment as most of us are having a rest before the party - even Rosamund has admitted defeat and asked not to be disturbed for a couple of hours. After our early night last night we were all up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. I had a hearty breakfast of porridge with some cream and fruit compote then tomato and sausage and a slice of toast and marmalade. Fruit juice and coffee as well of course. Rosamund and Elouise were already organising the decorations for tonight and Henry and John had gone off somewhere so to begin with it was just Brian and me. Lavinia and Harriet had their breakfast with the children and then were getting them ready for a day out with Geraldine and her two. They are to stay the night with her too and Jane is invited to the party which Harriet is really pleased about. Alfred spent all morning closeted away in his office although I noticed that The Times had disappeared so I don't think it was solely to catch up with his paperwork!
Paul arrived quite a bit later than usual so he was glad to see that there was still some breakfast left. Brian had nearly finished and so had I but it seemed churlish to leave him on his own so I had another cup of coffee and we looked at a crossword together for a while. He invited me to go for a walk and as I was at a bit of a loose end I accepted and we were out for nearly two hours. I can't really remember what we talked about - nothing like as intense as the other day - but the time flew by. It's funny, isn't it, how having known someone when you were young makes it easier to be friends later in life. He reminded me that I did spend some time there when I was about 14 or 15. It was in the summer when he had just finished University. I had got mixed up in my mind with the times when I was younger.
Lunch was a wonderful cold collation, as my mother would have called it. Mrs Davey and her sister were very busy preparing the food for the party so Jane Harriet and Mary had prepared it between them and a very good job of it they did too. Lavinia and I did our bit and washed up after lunch but I'm not sure we weren't a bit in the way really. We sat in the drawing room for a while but then we were in the way there too and gradually everyone drifted off to rest and get ready after tea
I shall start thinking about getting ready myself soon. I didn't tell you about my costume. Rosamund didn't impose a theme on us but did ask that no one wear anything too bulky, like a crinoline or such like, as she doesn't have the luxury of a big ballroom like Geraldine and people will have to move around between the rooms. The conservatory will be the "quiet" space, the drinks will be set up in the snug, the food in the dining room and that will leave the drawing room and library for chatting and the hall for any dancing as that is where the gramophone will be. My costume is an Egyptian Queen. I have a cleverly draped white dress with a very fancy gold coloured belt, a black wig and some arm bands and costume jewellery and some high heeled sandals which are not very Egyptian but look much better than flats would have done. I have some thick black eyeliner blue shadow and a little drawing to copy when I do my face. I also have a heavy stole which hopefully I won't need as the house is going to be very warm I think. I should get on really. I won't sign off as I don't expect to get out to post this until later tomorrow so I will be able to add my report on the party before I do

30th

Wednesday 30th December
Dear Cousin Edith
I have a nasty feeling that I forgot to sign my letter yesterday. I put it in the envelope very hurriedly as Alfred was going to the station and Rosamund wanted me to go with her in the car to the town that is near here, so that she could drop him first and then we would be able to take our time over her shopping. I must admit that I would have preferred to have a lazy morning. I was feeling a little the worse for wear after last night. I used to have no problem at all, partying and then getting up fresh in the morning at the usual time but I'm not used to it anymore.
Rosamund wanted me to help her with some last minute arrangements for the party tomorrow, and I still had to choose my costume, as it is to be fancy dress. We were most of the morning and everyone else had already had lunch when we got back. I had some soup and a turkey sandwich and was able to go and have a lie down for a while.
I went out for a walk later. The woods almost surround the gardens and it is quite easy to loose one's bearings if one does not know the area well. I found myself on the edge of the village and sat for a while on a bench by the pond. Then I went back again through some of the bits that I remember playing in as a child. There was the tree where we had our "den" and an old brick built store house which is just as overgrown as I remember it. I seemed to recall some fancy chickens pecking about there and a hen house and I poked about a bit and found what might have been the remains of a coop. Most of the snow has gone now but I made quite a mess of my shoes (the old brown ones fortunately) and got some mud on the hem of my skirt. Walking back towards the house I could see the lights in the windows and some of the curtains were not yet drawn and it looked so warm and inviting. I think I shall miss it and feel quite claustrophobic in my flat for a while.
I was pleased to find that I was not the only one suffering from the effects of the late night and everyone except Rosamund went off to bed quite early. The last day of the year tomorrow - I must think seriously about my resolutions. Last year I still didn't feel like moving forward but this year I think I can.
A very Happy New Year to you and Laura and Wilfred
Freda

29th

Tues 29th
We got back from Geraldine’s house about half an hour ago and although I am ready for bed, I really don’t feel like sleeping yet. It has been an amazing evening. As you know, all the ladies were instructed to wear only green and/or purple. When we arrived the gentlemen were all given a choice of green or purple bow ties to swap for their own black and when we went into the ballroom it quite took my breath away. The room is decorated entirely in white and the furniture is all black. I suppose in an artist's house it constitutes a "blank canvas". Rosamund had mentioned that when they have parties they choose a colour theme and dress the room accordingly. It was all green and purple, everything! The cloths on the tables, the napkins and table decorations, the ornaments and Christmas Tree (which was huge) even the glasses and tableware. It was a stunning sight and just magical with all of us dressed in the same colours too. I have to say that I was very pleased with my dress and I hope you will not be shocked when I tell you that I felt single again for the first time. What I mean is that I felt what I felt without feeling guilty about it. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I looked around the room once or twice and found myself looking at some of the men as I would have done before I met Frederick and catching sight of myself in the reflection in the windows and feeling good about what I saw. John did dance with me twice but he seemed to me to be always looking out for Harriet, which will rather concern Rosamund. Alfred and Henry did their duty and gave me one dance. Brian did not, as far as I am aware, dance at all with anyone, not even Lavinia, but some men are just like that, aren’t they! Paul spent quite a lot of time talking to him and I didn’t think I was going to see him dancing either but he surprised me by asking me to dance quite near the end of the evening. I suppose he feels safe with me. I have to admit that I had a little too much to drink over all and suddenly realised just how close I had allowed him to hold me. I managed to ease myself away again and I don’t think it was obvious. John was dancing with Harriet and I think he made some comment to her about it though. I can only hope that it will all be forgotten in the morning. Rosamund Alfred and I walked back to the house together. I think maybe I do need to get to sleep after all. I hope to write more tomorrow

Monday 28th

Mon 28th
Dear Cousin Edith
There have been a lot of comings and goings today. Brian had to go back to his office but will be joining us again tomorrow evening. Elizabeth and Alistair left this morning as they were expected at Alistair’s brother’s for the New Year and Elizabeth wanted to go home for a couple of days to give the children a break (and herself as well I wouldn’t wonder) It is a shame for them that they will have to miss Geraldine's party (by the way, I have been told I should call her Gerry!) Jane will probably be relieved – I should think it has been hard work for her with 2 extra charges to take care of. As it happens it was fortunate because little Ellen was taken quite ill at lunchtime and the doctor had to be called. He was reasonably happy that it was just the excitement and change from her routine but Jane stayed with her for the afternoon and Harriet was more than happy to look after the other two. Lavinia didn’t stray far from the nursery either.
Alfred had some business to attend to in the town and Henry and John went with him so, while Rosamund saw to domestic matters, Elouise and I took the opportunity to pay a visit to Geraldine to see if there was anything we could do to help with the preparations. We were made very welcome but banned from the big room where the party is to take place. Geraldine doesn't want the surprise to be spoilt for any of us.
I think I told you that she and Pierre had the house built only a few years ago and that it is very modern. The entrance leads into a square reception room from which rises a rather grand staircase to one side. There are double doors into the room they call the ballroom and a hall way down the side of that room which leads gives access to the sitting room, library and terrace. On the other side of the stair case is another hallway which leads to the kitchen rooms. The dining room is at the front of the house off the reception room. The outside of the house is very angular and painted white with smart black metal frames to the windows. On the first floor there is a balcony at the front of the house and at the back there is a sort of terrace leading from one of the rooms onto the roof of the ballroom. Then on the second floor there must be Geraldine and Pierre's studio as there are some huge windows to the northern aspect. She's very busy at the moment but sometime I would love to have a really good look round. The room she took us into was decorated in a pale grey, with vivid red upholstery on the chairs and a similar colour for the curtains. The rug was dark grey, quite plain, and there were lots of paintings on the walls, mostly theirs but a few in other styles. We had tea and some delicious home made cake but we were obviously "de trop" so made our way back to The Old Rectory quite soon.
On the walk back Elouise started to talk a little about John. She was concerned that I might have been becoming interested in him! I reassured her but had to be careful what I said, of course. I did mention that I thought he had been paying a lot of attention to Harriet but she dismissed this.
The house was very warm this evening so I wore my grey evening dress without a jacket. We had a fairly light meal, fish and a fruit crumble. After dinner we played bridge for a long time. Rosamund made us all turn and turn about with partners. Harriet does not play so John offered to stand down but Elouise insisted that he take her place. Maybe my comments earlier did have some effect after all.
When we looked at the scores at the end of the evening Paul and I had tied in second place. Alfred was first. I am sitting here in my room now, the fire is dying down and I really should go to bed but I don't feel very sleepy. I am looking forward to the party tomorrow.
I couldn't sleep and I couldn't find anything to read here so I went downstairs to the library to see if I could find something there. I disturbed Rosamund, who was sitting by the fire. We have had an interesting discussion but it's too complicated to explain. I want to get this posted in the morning so I will tell you about it tomorrow
My very best
Freda

26th and 27th

Sat 26th
Dear Cousin Edith
How lovely to receive a letter from you this morning. I am so glad that you are beginning to feel stronger but hope that you will not have over done things in your enthusiasm. Having Laura to stay and help you celebrate Christmas must be a great boost. I am so happy for her too - you did not say when the baby is due, do let me know. It was good of Wilfred to let her come still.
I have had rather a lazy day so far. I had a little kedgeree for breakfast but still felt quite full from yesterday. I had planned to wear my pink and green tweed skirt with the pink jacket and the green twin set but the weather seems to have turned colder so I put on my big thick green Aran cardigan instead. I wanted to wear the brooch that I had from Rosamund and Arthur and pinned it to the cardigan but it would have looked nicer on the jacket. It was very quiet this morning until the children went outside to play in the snow. Harriet took her breakfast with them and Jane. Rosamund mentioned to me that Harriet had told her that she felt a bit awkward with the rest of us, isn't that silly. I wish I had made more of an effort to be friendly but I had thought that ....oh well, it doesn't matter what I thought. I will try to talk to her at lunch and see if she would like to come for a walk, just the two of us, this afternoon. At the moment I am sitting in the little room that Rosamund calls the "snug" and enjoying some solitude. Although it has made my Christmas to be surrounded by people, I do find it a bit wearing after a while. I suppose that is what happens when you get used to living alone. I sat staring into the fire as I drank my coffee and started to get a bit melancholy so that is why I began my letter to you now.
This room is furnished with some old leather sofas and a blue rug and patterned curtains. The wall paper is a dark blue and beige stripe. There is a book case and two china cabinets with all sorts of bits and pieces in them. On the shelves I found a photo album and there were a few of mother and me with Rosamund and Alfred, and Geraldine when she was little and Paul as a rather gangly youth. There's the gong for lunch.
Now it is night time again. We had my favourite meal of Christmas at lunch time, cold meat and bubble and squeak and pickles. The men had all gone off to a shoot on a nearby farm so there was just Rosamund, Harriet, Lavinia and myself. Elizabeth and Elouise were out with Geraldine somewhere to help with the decorations and food for the party on Tuesday. She had insisted that Rosamund have nothing to do with it as she has been working so hard. Rosamund told us a few things about John which she could not have spoken of in front of Elouise but she was concerned about Harriet and the way that she seemed to be taking a bit of a shine to him. She said that she wanted to speak of it in front of me and Lavinia so that Harriet would know that it was only out of concern for her welfare. I can't really say more than that in this letter. However, it puts a different light on things, particularly the way Paul spoke to him after he had tried to strike up a conversation with me in the library. I also think I may have been wrong about R trying to get Paul and Harriet together and that it had more to do with keeping John at a distance from her. I'll explain more when I see you. In the end all four of us went for a walk and I think that it did make Harriet realise that she really is cared for, not just invited out of a sense of duty. It was interesting to hear her and R talking about their mutual family.
We were out for a long time and when we got back the men were all having tea and full of their morning's sport. I have been shooting myself and would rather have liked to have gone too but it was an all male gathering. Well, we have to let them off the leash occasionally, don't we!
We had lobster this evening and then a chocolate tarte. I am glad I had that long walk. I shall have to go the long way round to church tomorrow as well. I was pleased to see Harriet more relaxed. John seemed to be in a bit of a sulk. Rosamund was determined that we should play some parlour games this evening but he would not join in and went off to the snug to read. Paul took him a drink a little later and stayed talking to him and then when he returned Henry went to keep him company but came back to say he had gone off to bed.
We played charades, which I always enjoy, and some paper and pencil games like Consequences.
27th December
It was only when we got back from church this morning that I realised I had forgotten to post this letter to you, so I may as well continue with it and pop it in the box later. I was quite ravenous at breakfast. It may be that we were a little later than usual, or all that walking, but I had porridge, egg, bacon, fried bread, tomatoes, mushrooms and a sausage, and orange juice, and then some toast and marmalade and coffee. I wore my new green dress and the beads that I had from Paul. My grey coat is really warm and I was glad of it on the walk to church, and sitting there. They have quite a large congregation so singing the hymns helped me warm up as I could be as loud as I liked and not be heard! The sermon was very good again. Paul introduced Lavinia and me to the vicar's wife and she gave him a very odd look. I know I am probably imagining things but it was almost conspiratorial. He had mentioned a book to me yesterday that he thought I might like to borrow and after lunch he suggested that we walk back to his cottage to pick it up .
I don't know why I should have felt uncomfortable about it. As it was, we had such a good conversation, mostly about Frederick. He asked me some quite pointed questions and I ended up telling him things I don't think I had ever told anyone else, about what happened in those last few weeks particularly. Things I haven't really been able to put into words before. Strange that it should be Paul that drew that out, rather than Rosamund or one of the other women.
The cottage is very well furnished and decorated, not at all how I imagined. I suppose one always expects a single man to live in a mess. The kitchen is all pale green and cream and he has some very up to date equipment and obviously enjoys cooking. The sitting room has a big open fireplace and old furniture brightened up with tapestry cushions and a big old shawl across the settee. There is a little study too although I didn't see in there. By the time we set off back to the house the light had almost faded. I do hope it was not a cause for comment.
Paul did not stay for dinner and Henry, Elouise and John had gone to visit some friends who live nearby so we had a quiet evening by comparison to how it has been. Simple roast beef, although with all the trimmings, and apple pie. It is only 10 o'clock but I am feeling very tired so am going to bed early.
Hope this finds you well
My very best wishes
Freda

Christmas Day

25th December
Dear Cousin Edith
Well, here we are on Christmas Day. My but it was cold in the church last night, but such a lovely service. The vicar is probably about Alfred's age, quite a small man but with a good voice that is easy to listen to, and a thought provoking sermon which I found very uplifting. The big surprise, however, was that Paul was singing in the choir. I was vaguely aware of the fact that he had disappeared when we got to the church and, rather uncharitably, thought he had played truant and gone back to his cottage.
The walk back to the house was just as it should be, a bright moon, crisp snow that was crunchy and not slippery and not much conversation, just being quiet and thoughtful. Harriet was clearly very happy to have Jane's company, and they walked along with Mr and Mrs Davey and then, as so often happens, the rest of us women walked together and the men lagged behind. Mary had the hot mince pies and mulled wine ready and waiting for us and I quite envied Paul his solitary walk in the snow back to his cottage afterwards.
Although I woke feeling very refreshed this morning I did have a very odd dream last night, all tied up with that den under the tree that I told you about, and Paul and John and Harriet and feeling that there was something wrong but not knowing what it was.
I wore my new dress - the one that is the unusual weave in dark red and black, and the new dark red shoes that I bought to go with it. I felt very elegant and Rosamund was kind enough to compliment me on it. She looked wonderful as usual in a dark blue silk. We had a leisurely breakfast and Jane brought the children down at about 10 and we all went into the drawing room so that they could open their presents. As you can imagine there was much excitement and noise. They all very politely said thank you to each of us and I found myself sharing a chair with Lavinia's youngest, Ellen, who is 3, while she told me all about her new doll. The other children went out with Henry and Alistair to try out a sledge that the oldest boy had received and I saw Paul helping them later. Harriet and Jane cleared up the wrappings and tidied up and the others dispersed until lunchtime. That was fun - the children and Jane and Mr and Mrs Davey and Mary and Mrs Davey's sister all joined together in the dining room which had been set up so that everybody had a seat somewhere, if not at the dining table then at another table that had been brought in. Mrs Davey and Mary served up the main course and her sister served the sweet so that each of them had some time to relax. That is, if it is possible to relax amidst such a hubbub. The idea was to give the children and staff their Christmas meal and for the rest of us to have a light lunch as we were to have our proper Christmas dinner in the evening.
After lunch I went out for a walk on my own and was glad of a little peace and quiet. I took the opposite route to the one we had taken yesterday and found myself remembering odd things about the times I had spent here as a child. I think I mentioned to you that I came here about 8 years ago too. It was for Alfred's 50th birthday party and Rosamund had asked me to stay for a few days. I didn't want to come because I was courting then but things were not sufficiently settled between Frederick and me to have been able to ask for him to be invited too. Henry and Elouise were here then, and Elizabeth (it was before she married Alistair) and Paul, I seem to remember, was engaged, although I can't remember anything about his fiancée. Geraldine had not been married long and her first baby was on the way.
I think I told you that we are to go to a party at Geraldine's house on Tuesday. She and her husband, Pierre, inherited a great deal of money from Rosamund's brother, as did Rosamund and Alfred, and they had a house built in the most modernistic style on a plot of land very near here which R and A had given them as a wedding present. I have seen the house from a distance and I am so looking forward to going there.
As I came back towards the house I saw John and Harriet heading towards me, out for a walk of their own. When I got back inside Rosamund seemed a bit put out by this and I am beginning to think that she has a plan to try and get Harriet and Paul together. This is backed up by the fact that when we did sit down to dinner she had set out place cards so that everyone was sitting away from their own spouse but she had put Paul and Harriet opposite one another. It may just have been the way it worked out.
Rosamund asked us to change for dinner a little earlier than usual so that we could open our presents before we ate. I wore my peach with the black jacket. Harriet looked very pretty in a cream dress which I later found out Rosamund had lent her.
I was really quite surprised at the number of parcels under the tree with my name on them. The little presents that Rosamund organised all went down very well. I received a three lace trimmed white handkerchiefs from Elouise, Henry and John, a box of chocolates from Lavinia and Brian with a note to say that they were to be kept and enjoyed in my room! There was a brocade bound diary and pencil from Harriet and some rather exotic bath salts from Elizabeth and Alistair. From Rosamund and Alfred I unwrapped a small box and to my amazement found inside the very brooch that I had noticed and commented on to you from the shop where I bought the cocktail shaker that I gave to them. But even more surprising was the gift from Paul, not least, the message with it. It was a string of red beads, not just plain beads but lots of different ones, some Chinese lacquer, some cloisonné, two that I could not identify, and some glass with iridescent gold swirls. I was quite taken aback by it but even more so by the card that was inside the box, which read “One of these is your cyanide pill, Happy Christmas from Agent Black” How strange that he should have remembered. I looked up and saw that he was watching me and could not help the big smile and laugh that came to my face. He sort of nodded, meaning “do you remember?” and I nodded back “Yes”. You know, Edith, it has quite unsettled me and I’m not sure why.
When we went into the dining room we saw what it was that had been occupying Rosamund for so much of the afternoon. The room had been decorated with swags of holly and pine and red ribbon and the table sparkled with crystal glasses and the best silver and a beautiful centrepiece with candles and gold tinsel. The place cards were held by little gilt angels. I found myself opposite Henry, on .the end of the table next to Alfred and with Alistair on my right hand side.
The meal was everything I had expected. We had goose for the main course with roast and mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts with chestnuts and bacon, carrots cooked with a little sugar and orange juice - I can't remember what the proper name for that is - braised celery, peas and a garnish of fried apple rings as well as apple sauce. A huge Christmas pudding followed with cream and custard and brandy sauce. By the time we finished it was nearly 10 o'clock so the planned game of bridge was postponed.
We took our coffee and liqueurs in the drawing room and Rosamund made a joke of saying that we were now allowed to sit with who we chose. I think her plans for P and H will come to naught. H went to sit with John. Paul didn't seem too disappointed and soon asked if anyone wanted to walk with him back to his cottage for a breath of fresh air so Henry and Elizabeth and I went along. It was grand to walk again in that crisp bright winter moonlight and I said as much. Paul said that the walk in the morning is just as magical and he sometimes takes a detour through the woods when he comes to the house in the morning and sees deer there. It was very late so we didn’t stop but came straight back and most of the others had gone to bed. I took a small brandy by way of a night cap up to my room and am sipping it now as I write.
I do hope you and Laura had a good day and that you had plenty of visitors, as you had wished. I do feel so sorry that you are still not able to get out but hope that as the New Year approaches it will bring new health and vigour to you
My very best wishes
Freda

Christmas Eve

24th December
Dear Cousin Edith
I slept very well again last night and I am waiting for Alfred to gather together anyone else who wants to go for a walk to the village, so I am just taking advantage of this little bit of spare time to start this next letter. When I woke this morning I was instantly aware of that peculiarly clear light that can only mean one thing – snow. Mary Davey had not yet brought my tea so I opened the curtains to see the most magical sight. The snow had fallen quite thickly and was a perfect and unblemished carpet across the lawn, apart from one set of animal tracks which I hope we will be able to identify shortly. The snow had clung to the branches of the trees beyond and the whole thing looked just like a Christmas card scene. The light was that almost ethereal blue that you get from snow before the sun is up and everything was so quiet and still. I stood gazing at it for quite a while until Mary interrupted my reverie with a welcome pot of tea. As I knew that Alfred was planning a good walk I wore my new suit and dark red twin set and the old walking shoes as I thought they wouldn't matter if the snow spoilt them, but Rosamund found a pair of boots for me to borrow- silly of me not to have thought of bringing some.
I must say that I find a full cooked breakfast a great treat. Although I do cook breakfast for myself sometimes it does make a lot of washing up, so to be able to indulge without the aftermath is luxury indeed. Mrs Davey excels in producing a variety of dishes which are kept warm on an ingenious device with a metal plate and several night lights burning underneath. Yesterday I had grapefruit followed by mushrooms and tomatoes on toast with one rasher of bacon and this morning I chose porridge and then devilled kidneys, with some bacon again, and then toast and marmalade. There is fresh orange juice and the coffee is delicious.
The dining room is a large room but dominated by the huge table. The 12 of us fit round it easily. The walls are panelled in oak , the curtains are dark green velvet, the rug is a dark red and cream pattern and the chairs are upholstered in burgundy velvet. The furniture is all quite dark, and with the brass fittings to the wall lights and gilt framed pictures Rosamund has achieved quite a sumptuous effect. At breakfast we all come and go and it is so cheerful and pleasant to have company in the morning. The daily papers are delivered early and some of us discuss the news or try the crosswords. Rosamund and Lavinia seem to be the first to be up, but everyone is down by 9.00 and Paul must walk over quite early as he is usually around by then too. Alfred sits at the head of the table, of course, so he gets to be nearest to the fire, but it seems to be quite a warm room, especially in the evening once the curtains are closed.
We will be going to midnight service tonight so we are having our main meal in the middle of the day and I plan to sit in the library and read this afternoon. Here comes Alfred so I will stop for the moment. I will be glad to walk off some of that lovely breakfast
Now it is 9.00 p.m. and we have just had some supper. Dear me, it must seem to you that I never stop eating! We had a good long walk this morning. Rosamund and Elouise were the only ones who didn't come as they were busy wrapping presents. Alfred thought the tracks across the lawn were from a fox that passes by quite regularly. We went straight down to the woods at the side of the house, the ones I can see from my bedroom window, and into the fields beyond and then round through the village, up into the woods at the back of the house and onto the lane that eventually brings you back round to the entrance to the drive. I can remember doing this walk several times when I came here with mother as a child. It seemed much further then. I also remember playing in those woods with Paul and a girl from the village one summer. He was home from school and I stayed here for a week when father was ill, so that mother could devote her time to him. I think I was about 7, so Paul was 14 or so. I don't remember who the girl was. We made a den under the drooped branches of an old tree and pretended we were secret agents hiding out on a mission. Paul was Agent Black and I was Agent Red. Thinking back I wonder if Paul was under instructions to keep me entertained and I do wonder if I got in the way of his relationship with the other girl who was quite a bit older than me. I don't remember now if that was before or after his mother passed away. He came to live here with Alfred and Rosamund after that until he went off to University.
John is very knowledgeable about the species of trees and plants and birds. Harriet and I walked along with him quite a bit of the time and he proved to be a very entertaining companion. I think Harriet is very taken with him. I found out yesterday that she had travelled with Lavinia and Brian and that she was at school with Jane for a while. I was right that she is actually Rosamund's cousin's daughter. Both her parents are dead and she is an only child and had been working as a nanny herself until a few months ago when the family she was with decided to move to Scotland. She could have gone with them but chose not to and so she is hoping to find another position in the New Year. It explains a lot as she obviously does not feel entirely at ease.
I am sitting in the library by the fire as it is quiet in here. Most of the others are in the drawing room chatting. The children have all gone to bed and Mary is to sit with them so that Jane can come with us to church. A funny thing happened earlier. I decided to sit in here to read for a while this afternoon, but John came in and started up a conversation which put me out a bit. After a while I got up and said that I was going to have a rest and I took the book I was reading with me. As I was going up the stairs John started to cross the hall and Paul followed him out of the library. It is a L shaped room and there are some bookshelves that cut off one end of the room from the main part where the fire is, so I assume he was sitting in that other bit. He called John back and very clearly told him that the etiquette of the situation was that the library was a room where people could expect to sit and be quiet. I couldn't really hang about on the stairs and so I don't know what John's reaction to this was. If Paul wanted to be quiet then he could have gone back to his cottage. Maybe it's just more comfortable here, probably it is warmer.
We had a steak and kidney pie for lunch, followed by creme caramel. I allowed myself a glass of wine as I knew it wouldn't matter if I wanted to sleep this afternoon, which I did for a while when I went up to my room after the incident I have just described. It's strange how not having much to do makes one tired. I joined the others in the drawing room for tea and talked to Elizabeth and Elouise for a while until Elizabeth went up to the nursery with Lavinia to say goodnight to the children. Another lovely room of course. The colour scheme is mostly deep cream and yellow with quite a mixture of chairs upholstered in different fabrics and long jacquard curtains. The tree is in one corner, well away from the fireplace and the rug is quite old, a mixture of creams and yellows and rusts.
We were delighted to receive a visit from some carols singers early this evening. They were a group from the church and Rosamund must have known they were coming as she had hot mince pies and sherry ready for them. They sang very well and we all stood out on the terrace in our coats and hats and listened to them sing Away in a Manger, Good King Wenceslas and The Boars Head Carol, this last beautifully arranged. It bodes well for the service. We are walking so Rosamund has lent me her boots and some thick socks again. I don't think I had realised how close we are to the village if we take the direct route. I suppose whenever I have walked from here in the past it was always for the benefit of the walk , but tonight we want to get there (and back) in as short a time as possible. This is the sort of life I could easily get used to, the fire in here has died down to a lovely hot glow and I feel quite sleepy again.
Oh dear, Alfred has just woken me up and it's time to go, so I am finishing this off quickly so that I can put it in the box on the way to church.
My very best wishes
Freda

23rd December

Dear Cousin Edith
It is nearly 11 p.m. and I am sitting at the dressing table in my bedroom. Although I have been very busy I find I do not feel very sleepy yet so it seemed a perfect opportunity to start a letter to you while things are still fresh in my mind.
This is a lovely room. The window looks down onto the terrace and across the garden to the woods beyond. The wall paper is a pale blue with a pink rose pattern, quite small. The carpet is shades of dark blue with a little dark red fleck. The curtains are dark blue velvet and I have a big comfy armchair upholstered in a French blue regency stripe. The floorboards are quite dark but the carpet extends to within about 9 inches of the walls all round. I have a single bed with a thick eiderdown covered in a red and gold fabric with a sort of Chinese script design, very unusual. There is a bedside cabinet, an armoire and chest of drawers, a straight backed wooden chair to use at the dressing table and a small table by the armchair under the window where my tea tray can be put in the morning. There is a floor lamp set behind the armchair and a bedside lamp by the bed. My trunk has been put at the foot of the bed and some of my personal things are still in that but there is ample storage space for everything. The fireplace has the usual black surround. There are numerous pictures on the walls and some interesting ornaments on the mantel shelf. Rosamund has put a selection of books on top of the chest for me. Overall the effect is very cosy and not at all gloomy, as can sometimes be the case with these old houses.
It was very chilly yesterday morning, especially as I had to set out at 7.30 but the journey went very well and the train was on time and not too crowded. I wore my new suit with a cream blouse and my brown top coat so that I could be sure of being comfortable both on the cold platform and in the warmth of the carriage. I chose a Ladies Only compartment as I feel more relaxed that way, and had as my companion a charming young woman who was on her way to her fiancés family home for the Christmas holiday. She was not particularly talkative, for which I was grateful, and I read the newspaper and almost finished the crossword.
I was met at the station by Mr Davey. He seems to have aged a lot more than I would have expected although I suppose it is a long time since I last saw him. I worked it out to 8 years as I am sure I did visit the year before I was married. Frederick and I had a standing invitation and, as is so often the case, never did take it up. After a while one doesn't really like to say "when can we come". In a way I am glad as it means that there are no memories of him associated with this house
As you know, Rosamund and I have always met up once or twice a year in town when she came to do shopping , and of course, we write regularly, but it was wonderful to see her again in situ as it were. Alfred looks very well too and although he is a lot greyer it suits him and makes him look very distinguished. We were six for lunch, R and A, and then Elousie, Henry and John, who had arrived the day before. Henry looks very like Alfred but plumper and a little shorter. Elouise is very slim, perhaps a little too much so, and I don't think she looks entirely well. It seems a little odd to me that John would want to spend Christmas with is parents. I gather that he does not live with them any more and has a small flat of his own, although still quite near them.
We had a good hearty homemade soup and plenty of fresh bread followed by stewed fruit and custard. After lunch Rosamund showed me to my room and I must admit I did have a little snooze. Mrs Davey's daughter, Mary, has grown into a very pleasant girl and is now employed as a sort of maid when Rosamund needs her and she had already unpacked my cases and made a very good job of it too. She knocked on my door at 4 and I came down to tea just as the others arrived. There was a lot of hustle and bustle for a while until the children were taken off to the nursery at the top of the house with the nanny. Alfred's sister Elizabeth has two step-children (her husband's first wife died very young) and Lavinia has three and they are all under 9 so quite excitable and noisy. Harriet is very quiet and nervous. I think she is actually Rosamund's cousin's daughter but quite what her history is I do not yet know. Paul somehow materialised as the hubbub subsided and Rosamund told me later that he had been keeping a low profile in the library.
The rest of the afternoon and evening seemed to pass very quickly, with introductions, general conversation, a wonderful dinner of lamb cutlets followed by apple pie and then coffee and liqueurs in front of a blazing log fire in the drawing room. I wore my black dinner dress with my grey evening jacket and was quite warm enough I am pleased to say. In my flat I do miss an open fire at this time of year, although I don't miss the work it entails. I was really ready for bed last night and slept very well indeed. I hope you will forgive me for not writing yesterday evening.
This morning Rosamund took Lavinia, Elizabeth, Harriet and I into the nearby town so that we could buy some little gifts to go under the tree. I wore my grey wool dress and grey coat but livened it up with that pink scarf that you gave me for my birthday. As Elizabeth knows her way around too she took Lavinia and Harriet with her so I had Rosamund to myself for a couple of hours which was a real joy. She is keen for everyone to have plenty of presents to open on Christmas day so we were all under instruction as to the sort of thing to buy (and which shops would wrap) For the children she suggested colouring books as Harriet was to buy crayons, seven in all as her own grandchildren will be with us too. For the men, that is Henry, John, Paul, Alistair and Brian, a cigar each and handkerchiefs for Elouise, Harriet, Elizabeth and Lavinia. I did ask about Jane, the nanny, but Rosamund suggested that we look for something we could give her between us, including Harriet. We did find a lovely blue shawl and R said she had already discussed it with Lavinia who knew that Jane would welcome one more luxurious gift, rather than the little bits and pieces that we were buying for each other. I was grateful not to have to make these decisions myself, as it would have been very difficult to know what to do for the best, but Rosamund had organised everything so that there would be no duplications. I had been thinking that the scarves I had bought for R and A might not really be sufficient so when R told me that she had to go and see the butcher I said I would like to wander around on my own. I found a shop that sold all manner of beautiful gifts and picked a very stylish cocktail shaker. I was tempted to treat myself to a brooch. They had a lot of abstract designs in silver which were very reasonably priced and there was one which reminded me of a swan and water and reeds but I resisted in the end. Maybe after Christmas.
After lunch most of us sat in the Drawing Room reading the papers and chatting until Mr Davey arrived with the tree and set it up, with help from Alfred and Paul. Jane brought the children down and we spent a very pleasant time helping them dress it. Rosamund's daughter brought her children too but had to leave them as she had an appointment so poor Jane had her work cut out for a while but Harriet helped her a great deal. All the men, except Henry, disappeared, of course. Alfred said he had letters to write, so went off to his study. John, Alistair and Brian went out for a walk and Paul pleaded a need to work (he is a writer). I don't remember Rosamund telling me in the summer that he had moved in to one of the estate cottages although she assures me that she did. Henry seems to really enjoy the company of children. I think he is more disappointed than Elouise that John has not married and made them grand parents. John is a very good looking young man - well, I say young, he is only a year younger than me, but he seems young in his demeanour. Maybe he is just on his best behaviour. We talked for quite a while about Paris, which he has visited several times.
I wore my black dress again at dinner but with the new jacket, turned to the rust side. Rosamund and Elouise both dress quite formally in the evening but Harriet has, I think, a limited wardrobe with her and Elizabeth and Lavinia are more "modern". I probably come somewhere between the two. The gentlemen have it easy really, don't they!
Mrs Davey really is an excellent cook and I hope there will be an opportunity to go for a good walk tomorrow. This evening we had Jerusalem artichoke soup, followed by turbot cooked very plainly, which is as it should be, and then an orange chiffon cream. The wine was very good so I decided to forgo the liqueur this evening but again enjoyed coffee in front of the drawing room fire. We, that is John, Elizabeth, Paul and I, played bridge for a while. Paul reminded me that we had partnered each other against R and A on my last visit and trounced them and we did well again so Elizabeth determined that we should swap around in future. I don't think she took too kindly to loosing- isn't that silly?
Well, my dear, I think I am ready for my bed now. I do hope that Laura arrived safely and, as this letter will not reach you now until Boxing Day, let me say a belated Happy Christmas to you both.
Freda

Last minute

Dear Cousin Edith
Thank you so much for your letter and gift which I received yesterday. I hope you will not mind that I opened the present; not because I am impatient, but because I thought it would be easier than taking it with me. And of course, now I will be taking it with me – such a very lovely writing case. The beautiful dark green leather looks very well on my desk and will, I am sure, look very fine when I am writing to you from the library at The Old Rectory.
I did some last minute shopping yesterday as I wanted to be able to take my time to find something appropriate for Alfred and Rosamund – something for each of them rather than a joint present. I bought a silk scarf for R with an abstract pattern in shades of yellow and grey picked out with black and a small gold thread running through parts of it and a cashmere scarf for A in plain dark red. I was also rather self indulgent and bought myself an evening jacket which is reversible, black on one side and a sort of rusty orange on the other. This will enable me to ring the changes at dinner with my black dress and the peach one that I bought for our last holiday before Frederick passed away. I know I shouldn’t worry about it so much but I do not want Rosamund to think that I have stopped bothering.
I have just about decided what I am going to take now so tomorrow I shall just take my time over breakfast, go to church of course, and then start packing the things that won't hurt being folded up for a couple of days extra. I am very well organised - Rosamund would be proud!
I hope to find time to write to you each day while I am away. I seem to remember that it was quite a short walk into the village so I will be able to post letters there, although, of course, there won't be a collection on Christmas Day itself. I think I will find it rather relaxing to "talk" over each day's events with you and as you have been kind enough to tell me that you are looking forward to hearing all about my visit it will spur me on to recall all the details.
It is getting late so I will finish now and post this on the way to church in the morning
My very best wishes to you
Freda

Lunch

Dear Cousin Edith
I am sorry that I haven't written for a few days. I have been trying to get the Christmas cards done and find that it has taken me a lot longer than I had anticipated. I have already received two cards addressed to Mr and Mrs and I must admit that I wonder why I continue to send to people that I haven't seen for years and who can't be bothered to read what I write in the previous year's card. They get the address right so why can they not get the fact that Frederick has been gone for more than two years? Anyway, I hope you will forgive my little petulance.
I had a lovely lunch with Mary and she has had a very good idea which I am following up. She has a friend who has a flat very similar to mine and who has had glass doors put into her living room and kitchen to aid the light in both. I have written to the owner of the building to find out if there would be any objection but the House Keeper (Mary says I should call him the Concierge!)tells me that others have already done it and so he does not think there will be any problem in getting permission.
Mary and I went to a small restaurant that we have been to before. I only had a light breakfast so that I would be prepared for a good meal and a very good meal it was. We both started with soup of the day, which was a light chicken broth with beautifully prepared vegetables. I had lobster thermidor – an extravagance I know but not something I have very often – and Mary had duck with cherries. We talked for a long time and so both felt well able to tackle a dessert, profiteroles for Mary and chocolate pot for me. We also shared a bottle of Chardonnay and by the time we had finished our coffee it was nearly 3 o’clock. She has been married for 10 years now and has three children. The eldest is at boarding school but the others, who are only 6 and 4 are still at home and they are all doing very well. I feel that I ought to regret the fact that Frederick and I didn’t start a family, and Mary clearly assumed that I do, but if I am honest I am glad that I don’t have that responsibility. I do not dismiss the possibility of meeting someone else so it could still happen but I don’t really mind. I know many women think it strange that anyone could be anything but eager to have a family but it will not cause me much sadness if I don’t.
After I left Mary I took the bus part of the way home and then walked the rest to clear my head. I do love it when it is cold and crisp and there are lights in windows and, although I wouldn’t admit this to everybody, you can see in where the curtains have not yet been drawn. In a few houses there were already some decorations up. People seem to do this earlier and earlier. When I was little we never put them up until the week of Christmas and when I was married we always left it until the 23rd unless it was a Sunday. I shan’t bother for myself this year as I shall be away and Rosamund has said that she will be leaving the tree until the children arrive so that they can take part in dressing it so I’m looking forward to that.
Well, I shall sign off now and post this tomorrow when I take my cleaning in to town. I still have a little shopping to do for the trip and I have to plan my food carefully so that I don’t end up throwing things away. The “Concierge” will get some things in for my return so I need to let him know what I will need and I have three more letters to write and put in with the last of my cards. After this week my bridge club finishes for the holidays and I want to try and finish the book I am reading so that I can take two more from the library to take away with me.
I shall pack plenty of writing paper. Take care my dear
With the very best of wishes
Freda

My Flat

Dear Cousin Edith

Thank you so much for your letter which I received yesterday. I was very sorry to read that you are still confined to bed but glad to know that my letters have been welcome. I will certainly do as you ask and make sure that I give you a good account of my time with Rosamund.
You asked for some more details about my flat. The building has six floors and I am on the second. There are smaller flats on each of the first three storeys and then some larger apartments on each of the next two and two rather grand suites on the top floor. When I was looking for somewhere I hadn’t quite decided what I wanted so the agent showed me quite a few places and when we came to this building, which had only just been built, he showed me all three layouts. I liked the position but the top floor suite would have been too big for my needs and by the time I had made a decision all but this and one other on the ground floor had been sold. I had thought that I might move up if one became available but I am settled here now and very cosy although, as I believe I did mention to you, it would be nice to have a proper window in the kitchen.
If one was prepared to have the same carpet throughout it was included in the price so I chose a mid to dark green with a subtle shaded swirly pattern. In the sitting room I have a regency stripe paper in green and gold and I had my dining chairs upholstered in the same fabric as the armchairs which I bought – my other furniture would have been too big. That is a gold brocade which looks very well with the dark wood of the dining table and chairs and the bookcase and bureau and my writing desk. It is quite a large room and I think a rug would liven it up a bit but I haven’t yet seen anything that I like enough. There is a large window which looks out over the gardens which belong to the building and beyond are the gardens of the houses in the next road. The curtains are dark green velvet, floor length of course.
In my bedroom I have a paper of little pink flowers and green ivy leaves, a dark pink velvet for the curtains and the upholstery on the bedside and dressing table chairs and the ottoman and a rather extravagant pattern of large pink roses for my eiderdown. The furniture is all a pale wood and the whole effect is very feminine. I deliberately chose something that Frederick would not have liked. Does that surprise you I wonder? In my mind it was quite a significant step, moving on into my new life. The bedroom also looks out over the gardens with another large window. The sun streams into those two rooms in the morning and in the summer it lit up the gardens in the afternoon but now that it is lower and sets more in the South West than the West the building casts quite a shadow and I find myself drawing the curtains quite early
The kitchen is very well fitted out with a large sink, plenty of cupboard space, tiled work tops, a cooker and refrigerator and a small table that drops down flat against the wall when not in use. The floor is the typical black and white tile and I had the walls and doors painted in a light blue which works well with the fluorescent lighting which, of course, is always required. There is a rubbish chute and that seems to work very well provided the House Keeper empties it regularly. So far I have only had a problem with it once but the poor man was not well so it wasn’t his fault and he has promised to make sure that someone else deals with it if he is not able to. As it is a serviced building laundry is dealt with by the staff and cleaning too and they even provide light meals if one requires. I have found that very useful when I have been out all day and although the choice is limited the standard is very good indeed.
The bathroom and WC are basic but adequate, with the same tiling as the kitchen floor. They both have small windows to the side of the building and the paintwork is white. I am having second thoughts about that now so may change it next year.
The guest room (which I have to admit also functions as a dressing room) is papered with a blue and white geometric pattern and I chose a rather unusual orange fabric for curtains, upholstery and counterpane. The window is to the same aspect as the bathroom. I have my old wardrobe in there and just a single bed. It is an L shaped room so a little difficult to arrange, particularly as there is a door into a cupboard in there. I have managed to pack away quite a few things and at some time in the future I will have to sort through and make some decisions, but that can wait. As I think I said to you before, it would be easy to make it comfortable for a short visit.
You will think me silly but I have already started writing out my packing list for Christmas. I don’t want to take more than is necessary but on the other hand I want to have enough. Everything is hanging from the picture rail in the guest room, and laid out on the bed and I have come to the conclusion that I will need to look for another blouse to go with my new suit as I expect to wear that quite a lot. I shall take the black and white tweed as well.
I must sign off now as I am going out to lunch with Mary Gordon today. I don’t know if you remember her. I always enjoy her company as she is such a cheerful person.
Do take care of yourself
With my very best wishes
Freda

Shopping

Dear Cousin Edith
I had an exhausting day in town yesterday but I am very pleased with my purchases. I found a lovely bottle green wool day dress with a velvet collar and cuffs in that little shop I told you about. The bodice is a double breasted shirt style with lots of small glass buttons and the skirt is fairly straight but with a little kick at the hem. The fabric is quite plain and the whole effect is very understated and sophisticated. I like green as it can be accessorised with either black, grey or brown and I shall travel in my brown coat but take the grey as well. Then just round the corner I found another dress in an unusual woven wool material in shades of dark red with a little bright red and black. I don’t think I could adequately describe the fabric but the way it is done is very clever. It has a round neck and is quite plain with a self coloured belt and so the pattern of the weave does not seem too fussy. It is quite a loose weave which I think will make it warm but which may prove difficult to clean so I will keep that for Christmas Day.
I tried several pairs of walking shoes before I found some that were comfortable. They are an ordinary brown brogue with a small heel but I shall get plenty of wear out of them. My old ones bear witness to that! I’m afraid I allowed myself to be tempted by a pair of dark red court shoes too, to go with my Christmas day dress. Those have a high heel and a narrow strap across the foot and an interesting stitched pattern in the leather and I was persuaded by the charming young lady who served me to buy the matching handbag as well.
I had a very pleasant lunch in the tea rooms where Frederick and I used to meet. I can sit there now and think back over happy times without it making me maudlin and the staff seem to change so often that I don’t think there is anyone left who would remember me from back then. It was difficult when I started going back there as one or two people did ask after him but it hasn’t happened for a while. I always think I will try something different from the menu but I always end up having the plaice. Although my little kitchen has an extractor fan I don’t cook fish at home very often so it is a treat. I think I might go out for lunch more often next year.
Have I described my flat to you? I think I was very fortunate to find a serviced flat at such a reasonable rent but the one thing that I do have against it is the lack of natural ventilation in the kitchen. There is a chute for the rubbish, which does help, although in the summer the House keeper does have to be sure to clear it every day. The bedroom and drawing room both have lovely large windows with a view across the gardens and there are glass panels above the doors to give light onto the hallway. I hope that before long you will be well enough to travel to London and stay with me for a few days. The guest room is small but very pleasant and I think we would have a good time of it
Anyway, after lunch I went right in to Oxford Street to look for a suit and, much more fun, for an evening dress. I had a letter from Rosamund two days ago to say that her daughter has decided at the last minute to have a party for her 30th birthday, which is the Saturday between Christmas and New Year and we are all invited.
Margaret has made quite a name for herself as an artist, although I haven’t seen anything of hers that I like enough to hang in my own home. Her husband is a sculptor, also quite well known in some circles, and just after they were married was when that uncle of Rosamund’s died and the family came in to quite a good sum of money. Margaret was left enough to have a house designed and built on some land belonging to The Old Rectory which her parents had offered as a wedding present and I gather it is quite modern and unusual so I am looking forward to seeing it. But for the party we all have to wear purple, or green, or both. I don’t have anything that would fit the bill and I would like to be a bit glamorous for the occasion so I was a little extravagant. The dress I chose is a stunning purple, not too dark and made up of diagonal stripes, cut on the cross, of satin and brocade. It has an asymmetrical neckline with one narrow and one wide shoulder strap and the hem is a little off the floor at the front. And in the end I did buy another tweed suit. I know that we shall be likely to do quite a bit of walking and it is more comfortable I find. I have chosen something with plenty of colours in it so that I have enough tops already to go with it and won’t need to buy anymore.
I shall have to go again next week to buy some cards and a few presents, I was much too tired to do all that as well.
My very best wishes to you
Freda

An Invitation

Dear Cousin Edith
I'm so excited to have received an invitation from Rosamund and Alfred to stay for Christmas this year. It seems an age since I was last there and now that I am on my own again it will be lovely to be immersed in a big family for a while. You may recall that Rosamund was a friend of my mother's, although some years younger and has lived with her husband at The Old Rectory since the year dot so I remember going there when I was little as well as in my younger adult years. Frederick and I never went there together, which in a way is a good thing. Now that the house I lived in as a child has been sold it will be the next best thing to going home.
Rosamund is so organised, she has given me a schedule of her plans for the fortnight so that I know what to take with me. I shall go up to town next week to get a new pair of walking shoes and a couple of warm day dresses and I might just decide to get a good tweed costume as well if I can find something that doesn't age me too much. Since Frederick died I haven’t been out much in the evenings so I have things that will do very well for those. Well, probably.
We shall be quite a large party and Rosamund said that she was very glad that her cook, Mrs Davey, has a sister who is going to be helping out in the kitchen. \It will be wonderful to be cooked for and not have to worry about that sort of thing for a couple of weeks. My little flat doesn’t take much looking after and moving there has meant that I have been able to support myself comfortably. Maybe in a year or two I will start looking for something to do but I don’t feel ready yet to cope with all the questions that people ask, albeit with good intention. And, of course, friends say I am plenty young enough to marry again
So, who will be there? Well, Rosamund’s sister Elouise and her husband Henry, who is Alfred’s cousin, and their son John. Alfred’s sister Elizabeth and her husband, whose name escapes me for the moment, Alfred’s brother Paul, another couple who I don’t know but are close friends of the family and Rosamund’s cousin Harriet. There will be some younger children too but Rosamund assures me they will be well looked after by the friends’ nanny.
The Old Rectory is a huge rambling house with plenty of room for all of us and the grounds are superb. I hope it snows, but not until I am there!
I am to arrive on the 22nd and Rosamund has promised a shopping trip the next day to buy some small presents for her guests. I am looking forward to that as there are some lovely shops in the nearby town and I may give in to temptation and buy a present or two for myself as well.
I’ll keep you posted about the shopping next week and hope to find something to send you too. We must try and find time to meet up next year when I come to the Lake District for my walking holiday.
With very best wishes
Freda